Writing, as they say, is 1% inspiration, 99% sussuration? — no — usurpation? — no — constipation? … perhaps I should look it up … aw who am I kidding, I’m too lazy to look it up. Besides, the quote is probably not even about writing. It’s probably about cooking or origami or that type of genius typified by the invention and occasional theft of new and exciting technologies related to sound, light, projection, and flouroscopy. The point is … I’m too lazy to remember my point.
Still waiting on word from the publisher…. My agent tells me the editor who wants to acquire my book is getting second and third reads — a process that apparently takes infinity. In the meantime, I’ve enjoyed being reminded by friends and loyal diascribe readers (both of them) of all the many rejections other writers have received. So, in the spirit of celebrating the way the publishing industry has so often failed to embrace greatness on first read, I present the following tales of rejection.
NOTE: Instead of conducting careful research and then artfully crafting these stories into a cohesive whole, I’ve gone ahead and just cut-and-pasted willy nilly from Wikipedia. I hope this is legal. If not, please address all complaints to my attorneys, Chris Mandeville and Bill “Papa Bear” May.
#1:
“The novel was rejected by twelve publishers. It was finally accepted by the Bobbs-Merrill Company publishing house, thanks mainly to a member of the editorial board, Archibald Ogden, who praised the book in the highest terms (“If this is not the book for you, then I am not the editor for you.”) and finally prevailed.[23] Eventually, The Fountainhead was a worldwide success, bringing Rand fame and financial security.”
#2:
“It was then rejected by nearly twenty book publishers before finally being accepted. One editor prophetically wrote back “I might be making the mistake of the decade, but…” before rejecting the manuscript. Chilton, a minor publishing house in Philadelphia known mainly for its auto-repair manuals, gave Herbert a $7,500 advance, and Dune was soon a critical success. It won the Nebula Award for Best Novel in 1965 and shared the Hugo Award in 1966. ”
#3:
“In 1995, Rowling finished her manuscript for Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone on an old manual typewriter.[34] Upon the enthusiastic response of Bryony Evans, a reader who had been asked to review the book’s first three chapters, the Fulham-based Christopher Little Literary Agents agreed to represent Rowling in her quest for a publisher. The book was submitted to twelve publishing houses, all of which rejected the manuscript.[29] A year later she was finally given the green light (and a £1500 advance) by editor Barry Cunningham from Bloomsbury, a small British publishing house in London, England.[35][29] The decision to publish Rowling’s book apparently owes much to Alice Newton, the eight-year-old daughter of Bloomsbury’s chairman, who was given the first chapter to review by her father and immediately demanded the next.[36] Although Bloomsbury agreed to publish the book, Cunningham says that he advised Rowling to get a day job, since she had little chance of making money in children’s books.[37] Soon after, in 1997, Rowling received an £8000 grant from the Scottish Arts Council to enable her to continue writing.[38] The following spring, an auction was held in the United States for the rights to publish the novel, and was won by Scholastic Inc., for $105,000. Rowling has said she “nearly died” when she heard the news.”
#4:
“For two years, Butcher floated his manuscript amongst various publishers before hitting the convention circuit to make contacts in the industry. After meeting Butcher in person, Ricia Mainhardt, the agent who discovered Laurell K. Hamilton, agreed to represent him, kick-starting his writing career….Six months after Butcher was signed by Mainhardt, Storm Front, the first novel in The Dresden Files, was picked up by ROC for publishing. It was released as a paperback in April of 2000.” (For those of us who attended last year’s PPWC — we know that it took several unsuccessful novels before Jim Butcher got The Dresden Files underway. What I don’t recall from his speech last year was that he was only 25 when he wrote Storm Front. Bastard.)
#5:
Okay. I’m bored and disillusioned now. While I’ve found several other rejection stories over the last five hours I’ve spent reading Wikipedia instead of working on anything productive, none are quite as compelling as those above and there are a great many famous authors who did just fine without being repeatedly rejected. Perhaps being rejected is not as sure a sign of success as…say…success. Perhaps I should consider the hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of authors who ONLY receive rejection letters. And what about those writers who get published and even get a nice advance, but then fail to sell out their advance and then fail to get another contract? Ever. Or authors who publish book after book, year after year, and yet never make enough to commit wholeheartedly to writing, instead needing to work as janitors or customs officials? Yes, what about dear Herman Melville who died penniless and ignored on my birthday in 1891 and whose obituary in the New York Times named him Henry Melville?
Which brings me back to my original point…perspiration. When good ole’ Thomas Alva Edison, or–as I like to call him: Thomas Alva Edison–made his quote about genius being largely a function of perspiration, he was probably referring to exertion-related sweat–the pure and manly kind that comes from hard work and dedication. But what about the cold, sticky, slimy wetness that comes of fear and trembling, disillusionment and disappointment. Perhaps Thomas Alva Edison should have said: genius is 1% inspiration, 90% manly perspiration and 9% flop sweat — or 1% inspiration, 2% manly perspiration, 17.3% stick-to-itiveness, and 437% holy-crap-what-am-I-doing-with-my-life- I-have-two-kids-and-a-mortgage- and-I-don’t-even-really-want-to-be-a-writer-when-I-grow-up- because-I-can’t-take-the-godawful-loneliness- oh-the-terrible-loneliness- besides-I-feel-a-call-to-do-so-much-more-with-my-life- such-as-becoming-a-Unitarian-Universalist-minister-or-maybe-even-a-taco-barker-at-the-state-fair sweat.